107

they’d be released from their “conditioning” or something like that. He said the pibroch (that’s not how it’s spelt – but Joseph said that’d do. I let him read my diary sometimes now) was more than just a model of that, it was the key to it all somehow.

I told them I didn’t understand, and Joseph explained to me most of the stuff I’ve just written down, but he didn’t really seem to know what to make of it himself.

Bruno went upstairs then.


[Tuesday] … I went up to see Ann this morning, and she was looking a bit happier. She said that Bruno wanted to leave the wheel, but that she’d asked if she could go with him and he’d said that he couldn’t see any reason why not, if she really wanted to.

“You’re out of your fucking mind girl,” I told her. “He doesn’t really love you or he’d stay with you here. Anyway, what about me?”

“You’ve got Joseph.”

“Oh yeah, sure. I’ve got an old man who treats me like his daughter, and whose plans in life consist of trying to teach the inhabitants of Space Wheel Four to play the bagpipes!”

“Anyway, he does love me. He’s so sweet to me when we’re by ourselves, even if he’s a bit different from everyone else. He’s just a bit reticent in bed.”

“Christ, Ann, you must be crazy. He’s a fucking psycho. I mean, I like him too, but I wouldn’t go off with him on a fool’s errand like that.”

“You don’t want to come along, then? I thought you wouldn’t, but then I thought I’d better ask.”

“Come along! Are you crazy? No, I want you to stay here with me, and the old man (for what he’s worth), and let that dumb fuck go off by himself.”

At that she started to cry, and I had to comfort her a bit. She said she knew that I was right, but that he just drove her crazy for some reason, and that the idea of him leaving her was just too much to take. So when he’d agreed to let her come along, it’d seemed like the answer. I know her, though – she’s still intending to go, whatever I say. She won’t tell me where, but it’s clearly somewhere out there.


[Wednesday] … Joseph seems a bit out of his depth these days. I bet he wishes he’d just taken his chances in the spokes sometimes! I was just hysterical last night – kept on screaming at him for playing that damned music to Bruno and